CHAPTER THIRTY TWO:
“I totally agree with your views on having sex. The
partners having sex should have a good understanding among themselves. Different
people have different tastes and preferences. Making love can’t be a selfish
act of getting only one’s self satisfied. Unfortunately it seems to be what’s
happening among in societies such as ours; as even most married couples do not
talk about sex openly. Especially all most all women do not voice their desires
and just are in a habit of accepting whatever their men do as ‘love making’.
That’s wrong. There should be mutual understanding of what they should be and
shouldn’t be doing as well as, the pleasure derived through it should be
bilateral; divided equally between the
two at least on the long run. All most all people are said to have some kind of
sexual fetish. It may be not clearly expressed in some but strongly visible in
others; depending on the character of that particular person. Often mismatches
of such fetishes result in disastrous ending of marriages. On the other hand, if a couple understands
each other’s unique desires and fetishes and accommodate them in their love
making; their marriage could be a wonderful journey of love, happiness and joy.
I’m looking forward of building up such a marriage life. But I know it is
challenging because my preferences are a bit complex when compared with the
average I guess” I explained. Amanda was patiently listening, nodding her head
in approval from time to time.
“Have you heard a thing called ‘foot fetish’?” I
asked her.
“Yes, kind of! I now that while some egoistic men
think it is a disgrace for their ‘man-hood’ to at least look at the feet of
women; leaving alone touching and playing with them, there are guys who admire
the beauty of female feet and like to touch and play with them. I suppose
that’s what is called foot fetish?” she asked. I was rather surprised about her
knowledge of it, as it was a time that the internet was not this popular and
sources of sexual education ware very scares; especially for girls I assumed.
“Yes! I’m surprised you knew it” I said.
“In our faculty
library at the University there are long rows of tables at the central
reference area. Most students go there to study. Those tables have partitions
at the center and thus one cannot see who is sitting in front directly
opposite. Under the tables on the central partition, a gap is left to be used
as a foot-rest, which can be used from both sides. Generally students remove
their shoes and tend to put their bare feet on foot-rest to make themselves comfortable.
Especially during times where exam are closer, girls occupy entire rows in the
library and spend almost the whole day studding. Going pass the row you never
could guess whose feet are on the foot-rest and whose feet are not. There are
some guys in the meantime who come and sit on the opposite direction,
pretending to be reading but actually checking out the feet under the table.
Then they sit opposite a pair of feet they like and put their feet next to them
and start making advances. If the girl is not willing, she would immediately withdraw
her feet and the guy would go try it with someone else. But if the girl doesn’t
mind, then they would continue to play with their feet for some time often not
actually knowing who the other is. Some girls also seemed to enjoy this sort of
encounters. It’s called ‘playing foot-ball in the library’ by campus students”
she explained her understanding on the topic.
“Footsie play!” I remarked.
“Sorry?” she asked puzzled.
“It’s normally called ‘playing footsie’ under the table.
Usually done face-to-face by two, secretly to others even in public places” I
explained, and then continued;
“Yes! Foot fetish is having a like and desire for
feet. A person with a foot fetish is someone who is strongly drawn to or very aroused by feet. And I’m a person with a foot fetish. Don’t get scared. It’s
not as if I’m some kind of maniac or something. It’s said to be a common fetish
than we think of. But most people tend to not recognize it in themselves or
clearly express their feelings. So most just suppress their true feelings and carry
along life as the ‘so called common ways’ to live. I too could get on with in
life limiting my desires to those common-normal ways, though it wouldn’t be me
living my life fully. To me, to live a full and joyful life, my life-partner
should be able to understand me and help me. That’s why I want to be very
honest and open to you about it. This may sound weird to you. But if it isn’t a
bother to you and if you are interested I could explain myself a bit more to
you” I told Amanda.
“Sure, go ahead. I’m
interested in knowing your story” she said.
I explained to her
about my foot fetish; from my childhood up to the time I finished schooling and
not beyond. I told her about how crazy I was for my third grade teacher Ms.
Catharine’s feet and how much I tried to get the imprint of her shoe sole on to
a piece of paper. I told her about my
fantasy world where Aunt Goldie was the ‘foot queen’ of my imaginary underground
palace, where all my other female relatives were ‘royals’ who used the naked
bodies of us; the male members of the family as floor carpets and foot-rests. I
told her about how I collected photos that showed female feet while my friends
at the hostel were collecting photos of all-sorts of naked women; thus giving
me the nick-name ‘Papsissa’. I told her how I stood hours and hours in the
lobby of the Kandy Municipal market, watching women climbing up the steps; and occasionally
followed beautiful feet in high-heel sandals up the stairs keeping a distance
that they were at my eye-level. I told her my attempts in trying to touch my
mothers and sisters feet while pretending to remove leeches of their feet. I
even told her how I masturbated sneaking high-heeled sandals of my mom and
sister, to sniff them while I jerked.
Then I told her
everything I had learned theoretically from Aunt Hillary; about the sensitivities
of feet, how the sexual sensitivity nodes of one’s body rotate from head to
toes accordingly to the moon-month and the close connection between feet
stimulation and sexual arousal in the brain process.
Amanda listened to me
patiently, laughing sometimes and looking at me in surprise sometimes. But she
never seemed to be upset or mad at anything I said; she always had a smile on
her face.
“You have been a very
crazy little boy as a kid?” she finally said with a chuckle.
“Now if you are so
crazy about feet the first thing you should have done is to check out my feet,
especially if you are considering of marring me; don’t you think? If I recall
right, I don’t think that you have seen my feet even once up to now though we
have known each other for about an year” she asked me jokingly.
“True! Though I
haven’t seen your feet I have reasons to assume that you have beautiful feet.
So I’m in no hurry in seen them” I replied.
“Reasons to assume?”
she demanded an explanation.
“Well I have had a
glimpse of your mothers feet once” I said. She laughed aloud.
“So? You like my
mother’s feet? How come you saw her feet?” Amanda asked.
“The other day when
we were having tea at your place Aunt Janet happened to cross her legs while
seated. Then I saw her foot for a second. By the looks of it, I assumed that if
you have inherited at least half of it then you must be having very beautiful
feet too” I said.
“Hm. Amma does have beautiful feet alright. And
I think I have inherited them from her the same, if not more” she said
teasingly.
“So? You are so sure that you have not allowed
me a chance to see your feet. Which means you have been doing it purposely am I
right? Why is it? Why do you always wear coat shoes or plimsoles; shoes that
cover your entire feet if you have such beautiful feet?” I asked which had been
puzzling me for so long.
“Because I knew pervert guys like you would
lust for my beautiful feet” she mocked at me laughingly.
“According to the stories told by my friends
about their boyfriends, I know that some ‘macho’ kind of guys who think that
kissing a woman’s body below her waist is to be considered a disgrace;
something not suitable to be done by a ‘strong’ male. Such guys seem to be
ashamed to even think of women’s feet as sexual. Chichi was no different. One
day when he visited our place I was just after a shower. I put on a dress and
tied a towel around my hair and came out. I put another towel on a stool in
front of me and placed my feet on it. I was drying my feet while talking to
him. He became so upset and restless; he asked me to go to my room and finish
drying my feet. Later he gave me a long lecture that girls should not be
showing off their feet to guys that way and ‘bad guys’ tend to lust for girls
feet; thus encouraging them is considered ‘a sin’ for girls and so on. It was
from that day onwards I gave-up wearing open-toe and open heel sandals. I felt
a sort-of guilt to show-off my feet. There were guys who have tried to play
‘foot-ball’ with me at the campus library. But I never encouraged them. I felt
it not right to let use my feet for another to gain pleasure. My close-mates
always said I have beautiful feet. But I always covered them when going out. It
gives my feet a protection as well” she said.
“What I still can’t believe is that, having such
a foot-fetish since childhood how come you still have not asked me to take-off my
shoes and show you my feet?” Amanda asked looking directly at me.
“Because now I’m much more mature and
controlled” I said. “I don’t mind you telling anyone about my foot-fetish of
cause leaving out the details that are related to my relatives and family
members. Better if you could keep the whole of it a secret. But what I’m going
to tell you now should be kept top secret, okay?” I asked Amanda.
“Of cause. Cross my heart!” she promised.
“You remember Aunt Hillary that I have
mentioned with you several times before? It was she who took care of me when I
was studying in Colombo” she nodded her head to say yes. I continued;
“Aunt Hillary is my mom’s best friend. And she
became mine as well, when my parents placed the responsibility of being my
guardian while I was in Colombo. Aunt Hillary took it very seriously. It was
then that accidently she discovered my foot fetish. Aunt Hillary had beautiful feet
and ‘unlike you’ was very generous of showing them off. Her husband had also
had a foot-fetish and thus Aunt Hillary had maintained and showed-off her feet
because of him. Once she discovered my fetish, she said it was not right for
her to keep me with her and that she would find me another place to stay. She
said if she did not do it, it would be a breach of trust towards my parents. I
was so vulnerable at that time I pleaded her to keep me and help me understand
and control my feelings. Finally she agreed to help me with the promise that I
would study well and show good results; and to keep the whole thing a secret.
Aunt Hillary was worried that mom would think she was been betrayed and that
she would lose trust in us if she found our about it” I explained.
“That’s a very reasonable request” Amanda said
thoughtfully.
“Aunt Hillary and I are very open and we
discuss almost anything. Even last night I had a bit of chat with her to ask
whether she was okay of me telling you how she helped me. She said it was a
good idea that I keep no secrets as much as possible if I am seriously
interested about you. She said; ‘If this girl truly loves you, she would not
betray your trust and would never cause to do anything that would hurt your
mother’s feelings. So go ahead. Tell her anything about me if you feel so’. So?
I thought of telling you a bit about Aunt Hillary’s influence on me” I
carefully chose my words.
“Again! I re-assure you that you can tell me
anything and that whatever you say would stay safe with me” she said in a
serious tone.
“My dinner on weekdays was provided by Aunt
Hillary during my stay there. On weekend if we both happened to be at home she
provided all my meals. After dinner I got into the habit of watching TV;
especially watching the news telecast with her before going back to my room.
Aunt Hillary also used this time to give her feet a self-massage. Once she got
her hand bruised due to an accident and I offered to rub her feet for her that
night. Aunt Hillary had known that I was a kind of ‘foot person’ but hadn’t
assumed I was as deep into it as to having a foot fetish. So she had decided to
allow me to rub her feet. The very next day Aunt Hillary had told mom that she
got her feet rubbed by me. Mom had not objected to it at that moment but when
my dad had heard about it, he had disapproved it. So mom had politely indicated
to Aunt Hillary that she was not so happy about it. But by then I had self-studied
foot massaging and become quite skilled at it. Even today Aunt Hillary claims
that I’m the best masseuse she has ever met when it comes to foot massages” I
said being proud of myself.
“Wow!” she admired me.
“Aunt Hillary suggested that I should stop
rubbing her feet several times but neither of us really wanted to end it. So we
just allowed it to continue and came in to an un-spoken pact to not tell my
parents that it was happening. Then one night after a party, Aunt Hillary was a
bit tipsy and became a bit reckless in asking me to rub her feet; relaxing the
precautions she usually took. She fell asleep while I was rubbing her feet and
I got carried away by the temptations. I crossed the line and started to sniff
and kiss her feet, apart from massaging them. Aunt Hillary became so upset
about it. The following day she had a chat with me suggesting that she would
find a room for me and that we should part with each other. It was on that day
I made my first ever full confession of my foot fetish to anyone; which is
basically the story I told you a while ago. Of cause, I didn’t know that it was
called a ‘fetish’ by then. It was Aunt Hillary who taught me all that on that
day and said even her late husband was the same. She said that even though she helped
Uncle Bill with his foot fetish she cannot help me because I am her best
friend’s son” I paused for a moment and continued;
“Aunt Hillary had already made up her mind to
send me to another place. She said we cannot live under the same roof after what
happened between us. But I managed to talk myself through and change her mind.
I convinced her that if she abandoned me at that point I would be left to learn
things from porn movies and prostitutes. On the other hand if she kept me with
her and educated me I promised that I would show good results in my management
course. Finally she agreed after having a chat with my mom. Mom had actually
been worried by that time; because I was very shy around girls. She has feared
that I may be turning gay. Aunt Hillary had asked permission from mom to try
and build-up my character, by educating and training me. She had said that she
thought getting her feet rubbed by me was helpful in reducing my shyness. Mom
had given Aunt Hillary permission to do whatever she thought is right but
cautioned her not to let dad know about it. Aunt Hillary agreed to let me
continue to stay only after that”
“Our deal was that, she would continue to teach
me how to face the world and enjoy life as a foot crank only if I show good
grades in my studies every semester. That’s how I got transformed from been just
an average student to finally becoming the batch-top. In the meantime, Aunt
Hillary educated me on sex, life and society. She was like an encyclopedia for
me. Sometimes she became my date to teach me how to dine and dance. She allowed
me to refer to the sex-education books in her study room and helped me
understand them. She even used her own body at times to demonstrate certain
things I otherwise found difficult to understand. She took a huge risk in
sacrificing her character and reputation in doing so. But she admitted that she
too enjoyed guiding me. So we both benefited from the process. I became mature
and self-confident because of her. Now I can handle situations better. It was
Aunt Hillary who made me massage mom’s feet for the first time. Even still I
rub mom’s feet every now and then. I do it very controlled. I like mom’s feet
but has the control not to lust for them like I did for Aunt Hillary’s feet.
That control is what keeps me patient in not asking you to show your feet till
you are comfortable of doing so” I looked at Amanda. She was listening to me
thoughtfully and nodded with a smile at the end.
“I consider Aunt Hillary as my ‘Sex-Guru’. I
owe her most for whatever achievements I have accomplished in my life so far;
besides my parents. When you asked me whether I’ve had an affair before, that’s
why I said “yes” & “No”; it was not an affair but rather a ‘special
relationship’ that I had with Aunt Hillary. It’s true that she is the same age
as my mom and has a son one year elder to me. But the relationship I had with
Aunt Hillary was really unique and was so important to me. There are lots of
details I want to tell you about it. May be as time goes on I will” I said.
“Hm. sounds interesting to know? I wish I had a
‘sex-guru’ like that to teach me things” she said mockingly.
“I have some books given to me by Aunt Hillary.
Also I have prepared a set of notes based on the things Aunt Hillary thought
me. I’ll give them to you if you like. May be they would be helpful to you?” I
suggested.
“Yes please! I’d love to go through them”
Amanda said and looked around. It was almost nearing dusk and the visiting hours
of the Garden were ending. We returned planning to meet again. On the way
Amanda asked me to pull-over the vehicle aside at a fairly isolated stretch
where no houses or people were to be seen.
“I think I shouldn’t be keeping you in suspense
anymore. Here! Have a look at my feet and make a comment” saying she raised her
bare feet and put it on the stirring wheel in front of me.
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