A FOOT CRANK’S CONFESSION - Part 10 of 37

 

CHAPTER NINE:

At once I felt very comfortable to speak. All of a sudden I got the confidence that was lacking to truly express myself and my feelings; my desires and fantasies. Aunt Hillary’s consoling gave me encouragement. I wanted to tell Aunt Hillary everything. I was confident she would understand.  

The fact that Aunt Hillary mentioning that Uncle Bill too was a foot crank like me was encouraging. It meant that she knew what I was going through. I took my time and made my confession slowly, choosing my words very carefully.

I started by telling her that I had been crazy about women’s feet for as long as I could remember. I told her about my fantasies about Aunt Goldie and about the love I had with my third grade teacher Mrs. Catherine’s feet. I told her how I had spent hours and hours near the Kandy municipal market staircase gazing at the feet of ladies who climbed up the stairs. I told her even how I masturbated sniffing my mother’s high heel sandals. Most of all, I told her that I was crazy of her feet and had been masturbating thinking of them since the day I came to stay at her house. I made a complete confession taking the risk of it and completely exposed myself to her.

Aunt Hillary was very patient in listing to me. Aunt Hillary never interrupted me and never said anything except for helping me with some appropriate terms and names; when I got stuck for words. I felt so eased to empty all my feelings in the motherly warmth of a woman twenty seven years elder to me. She made me feel that I was truly loved and cared and that I was in safe hands. I confessed about every little detail of my past life and some of my hidden desires. It was the very first and ever true confession made by this unique foot crank!

I told Aunt Hillary on that day things that were very intimate to me and things that were hidden inside my soul for many painful years. I never had the courage to admit them before and talk about such things openly with anyone before. I knew this was a situation of do or die. I knew that it was risky to tell Aunt Hillary about my true feelings as I was not sure how she would react towards them. I was afraid that knowing my full story would increase her guilt and strengthen her decision to move me out of her house. I didn’t want that to happen. I didn’t want to lose Aunt Hillary; the person that I came so close in fulfilling my fantasies; the person that gave me the courage to expose myself and pour my heart out.

I was resting my head on Aunt Hillary’s shoulder for most of the time and looking down while speaking. I lacked the courage to look directly in Aunt Hillary’s eyes. I was both shy and embarrassed. She stroked my hair from time to time. She didn’t show that she was very much surprised or amused to hear my story. I felt she had a faint smile on her face though, when I explained some of the details of my story. She sighed and placed soft kisses on my forehead whenever I sobbed during my confession.

—So Aunty, That’s me and my story. Please forgive me and don’t be mad at the things that I have done. I beg you aunty. Please don’t make me leave. You’re the best friend I have now. You are the only person who could understand me; who I can talk with like this openly. I need you most right now. I’ll promise that I’ll not allow my mom to know any of this. In fact I’ll not tell anyone anything about us. I promise. Please try to forgive me and allow me to stay here. All am asking is to just let me be here, to let me rub your feet for you as usual. Teach me.  Tell me how I should cope-up with my desires. I promise you that I won’t cross the line again. Just please Aunty. Don’t just leave me in such disarray as am right now˜ I begged holding both hands together and looking up at her face.

Aunt Hillary was silent for a moment, and then spoke.

—To tell you one thing as I already have said, I’m not at all mad at you son. You’re not the first foot crank I’ve met! Bill was also about the same age as you are when he came confessing to me about his foot fetish. Though not as experienced and knowledgeable as now, I took on helping him. I was only two years older to him. So there was no problem. But just think of it darling. I’m more than twice the age as you and I have a son older than you. Yet I could have been a counselor to you if we had not developed any physical relationship between us as we have done here. Now I have no right to counsel you on your sexual problems. We have betrayed the trustful discipline that should have been within us and we have gone too far. No way! Leave aside the age difference. Even besides I could have considered helping you if you were not Madhu’s son; my best friend Madhu’s son?” Aunt Hillary stressed the last few words.

“Try to understand son, your parents placed you under my care because they trust me a lot. I have already broken that trust. I have betrayed the loyalty towards my best friend enough. I can’t continue to let it happen. In fact, honestly the right thing I should be doing is to make a frank confession to Madhu and beg for her forgiveness. But the reason I won’t do it is thinking because you would get into unnecessary embarrassment if I do so. Not everyone understands to deal with innocent fetishes such as yours. The majority would consider a person having a fetish as yours as a ‘maniac’. I just don’t want to unnecessary alarm your parents that could cause to ridicule your future” Aunt Hillary stroked my hair lovingly.

“That’s why I suggest you to move out in to Michelle’s room. That way we could end this without anyone getting hurt anymore. Your parents would be happy that you’re safe and comfortable. I could get over with my guilt and migrate to Australia and you can concentrate on your studies and get along with your life. Do you understand me son?” she asked me in a soft tone. I knew I was losing the battle. This was not a battle that I could afford to lose. I had to play my best cards here and pullout all stunts possible. I decided to ask her a question rather than giving her an answer.

 “Aunty, what do you think that my parents are expecting of me?” I asked her looking directly in her eyes. She broke eye contact with me and then looked back towards me before answering.

“They would expect you to study well to become a qualified professional and become good-happy person. They’d expect you to be a good manager and take-over the management of your family Estate I guess? I think those would be their primary expectations?” she replied thoughtfully.

“And they have left me in your care. Which means they would be expecting that you will assist me achieve those goals, Right?” I asked.

“Yes of cause!” she replied straightaway.

“Then that itself is the reason you should keep me here with you aunty. If not I’ll get lost. My life would get devastated if you abandon me at this point. I’ll be so ruined that none of my parent’s expectations would get fulfilled. Trust me! You’ll one day regret it if you throw me out now” I said. I realized that the words I chose were a bit too harsh. But then it was too late; I had already said what I said.

 “Are you threatening me young man?” she sounded a bit irritated for a second but soon punched me playfully saying; “You stubborn little brat!”

“Sorry aunty. What I meant to say was I have been longing to touch and feel a pair of beautiful female feet since I was in my junior grades. Not just brush my hands accidently but to touch, feel and caress them leisurely. I had even considered visiting a brothel and making my request to a prostitute. Back then as a little boy I didn’t have the courage for it. I was afraid that they would think I was mad. But now I have the courage to do it and I might have already done it if not for you allowing me to rub your feet. Oh! Aunty, You’ll never imagine how much it meant to me” I tried my best to rectify the mistake I made. But she was still offended;

“Ah? So you considered me as the “Substitute-Prostitute”. huh? Is that what you mean?” she asked sarcastically. She was smiling and didn’t seem to be mad at me.

“Oh! No, Not at all Aunty. What I meant was that I could end up in brothels going after prostitutes in search of experiences and ruin my studies if you send me to Aunt Michelle’s place. I might jeopardize my charier and disappoint my parents if I end up a womanizer going after prostitutes, don’t you think?  I’m sure you will not want that to happen?” I made my point clear. 

 “Clever basted! You should have studied law and become a lawyer” Aunt Hillary joked.

“So? What is it that you suggest from here on? For me to keep betraying your parents? For me continue lying to my best friend?  Is that what you suggest?” she asked. Her tone was friendly and calm by then.

 “My parents will not be betrayed if you make sure that I excel in my studies. You can make sure it happens by monitoring my semester grades. You can monitor my coursework and assignment marks continuously. If I ever go down in grades you’ll have the right to kick me out of the house right away. No complains, I promise that I’ll go anywhere you want me to go if that happens. And you don’t have to lie to my mother either. Instead you can say only half of the truth, just like we used to do in the recent past. May be we can just alert her that I’m reading some of Uncle’ Bill’s old sex education books that were in the study room and you are just helping me understand some of the stuff in those books. I’m sure she will appreciate it” I said cheerfully.

“It’s so easy for you to say? What if they find out the truth one day?” she raised her doubts.

“If at all that happens you tell them that I forced you into this against your will. Tell them that I blackmailed you and threatened you in to this. You plead ‘Not Guilty’ and I’ll accept responsibility to whatever happens, Aunty. I give you my word upon my life” I told her like a big shot. She held me by my shoulders and pushed me at her arm’s length. She starred at me for a while with a faint smile on her face.

“You’re such a stubborn child! Yes, you are a stubborn and spoilt child. Your parents have spoilt you by giving everything you demanded. Now you are not used to taking “No’ for an answer. You remind me of those little children who sit on the pavement in front of the candy store and refuse to get up until their parents buy them candy. You also seem to have that same childish stubbornness” Aunt Hillary almost laughed saying it. I felt so happy that she was returning back to her humor. Yet I didn’t want her to be slipping off the argument I had built-up.

“So, ‘will I be getting my Candy?’ Please Aunty, say ‘Yes’. Say that you’re going to not send me away and that you’ll allow me to continue to rub your feet for you. Promise me that you’ll teach me things and be my ’Sex-Guru’. Oh! Please Aunty” I pleaded holding her hand against my chest with both my hands. She pulled off her hand and playfully shook my chin. She stood-up with a bright smile.

“Wow wow, young man! Hold on to your horses! I haven’t promised you anything yet. This is a very serious matter. I came in here with a very firm mind of what I was going to do. Now you have utterly confused my mind. I need some time to think it over” she said smiling. Her voice sounded positive. She stood by the table pointing at the parcel of pastries.

“I almost forgot. I had some pastries from the Silva & Sons bakery near the church and bought some for you too. You must have not yet had any breakfast even know?” she asked.

“I walked down to the junction and had some string-hoppers aunty. But never mind. I’m in a mood that I can eat again. Thanks a lot Aunty” I said jokingly.

“Oh! My God! It’s almost eleven. I’ll go prepare some lunch for us. I’ll call you when it is ready okay? First of all, I must call Madhu. She must be eagerly waiting to know about what happened at last night’s party” Aunt Hillary winking at me saying the last few words and playfully sprung out of the room. I felt so relieved.

I was called for lunch around One O’clock. We took our lunch discussing about our Estate. Mom had said that dad had gone to the factory with a group of visitors on that day. Aunt wanted to know what type of things usually happened in the estate. I explained things as per my experiences. After lunch I excused myself to return to my room. Smilingly she said;

“Wait a minute. We need to talk a bit” she smilingly motioned me to sit on the three-cushion sofa. She had changed into a pair of lose-fit cotton slacks and a T-shirt by then. She was wearing her usual Reddish plastic thong slippers that she normally wore at home. I sat on one end of the sofa and Aunt Hillary sat on the other end.

“No matter what excuses we give ourselves the bottom line is that we have now got in to an affair which in not innocent or pure anymore. I may have actually believed that it was in deed  a very pure and close friendship that you and I had, in which you even rubbed my feet. To be frank, I did like it when you pampered my feet. I loved that attention you gave my feet. I think I’m kind of ‘exhibitionist’ as far as feet are concerned. So now that I know you have been masturbating thinking of my feet, I’m not mad at you. I don’t have the right to be mad! I should be flattered actually because at the back of my mind that’s what I want men to do. Subconsciously I want men to be attracted to my feet and lust for them?” she was questioning herself aloud.

“Here after if I allow you to continue to rub my feet it won’t be just an innocent favor done in the name of pure friendship. You know I pleasure out of it. I know you lust for it. So it becomes a sexual act. We have to face and deal with it that way.  If we continue it in that way we will be entering into a relationship knowingly. We deliberately would be starting a sexual affair! Do you understand? She asked me not expecting me to answer.

“We can’t afford to start such an affair. I don’t think that an age difference should be a problem for an affair at all. If the two are willing to accept each other then there should be no problem with it. But we have to consider about our other relationships within the scope of our cultural limitations. You have to be able to face your mother and I have to be able to face my son. If it was in another country within a different culture then it might have not been a big problem sometimes. But in our conditions; either we’ll have to hide-out from this society while continuing such an affair or just give-up the affair and forget about it totally. I think the second would be the best to do. That is of cause if we want to start a ‘proper affair’ and go public” she paused.

“But if we want to carry out a secret affair privately? Then it has to be done under very-very strict conditions” she sounded dead serious.

“I never had any extra-marital relationships. Not anything that Bill was not aware of for at least. Even after Bill past-away, I never felt of getting into any serious relationships. I was thinking that may be once I get settled down in Australia that I should seriously think about having one. But then again I was not sure whether I’d be able to share the same space with anyone else as I did with Bill. I still doubt it” she gave me a smile.

“So if at all there is going to be any affair of such between the two of us hereafter, it needs to be top secret, utterly private and confidential, very temporary and governed by a set of strict rules; do you understand my darling?” Aunt Hillary asked me nodding her head sideways. I nodded my head up and down in agreement.

“I had a very long and leisurely chat with your mother before lunch. We talked about a lot of things. It helped to lessen the burden in my heart tremendously” she seemed very happy with herself.

“Now I’m going be frank with you and tell you all what we discussed. But you must promise me not to let your mother, or anyone for that matter, know that I have told you these things. Understood? she asked. I said ‘Yes’.

“Firstly, your mother wanted to know how the party was last night. I said it went well. She was in particularly interested in how you were; whether you danced with any of the girls? And so on. I told her that I so you on the dance floor with some of your friends but not in any couple dance with anyone particular. She is worried that you are too shy around girls. Madhu said that she has noticed that you always tend to avoid looking at their faces when confronted with girls and often talk with your eyes fixed on to the floor. She is worried that it may be some personality problem of yours. Of cause, I couldn’t tell her straight that it may be because you might be more interested in their feet that their faces. Isn’t that the case Tom?” Aunt Hillary asked laughingly. I nodded in agreement.

“Your mother asked me to try and find you a girlfriend if possible. She had been worried that you might turn into becoming gay or something. I told her she shouldn’t worry about it much and thus been gay is not a ‘crime’ now-a-days as it was back long-long time ago. By the way why didn’t you ask any of those beautiful girls for dance last night?” Aunt Hillary asked me.

“Well Aunty, firstly I don’t know how to dance. I mean not just dance, but in a couple dance I need to know certain steps to follow know? I have never done it. Yet I felt asking you for a dance so that I could learn it. But then decided not to make a fool out of myself in public” I told her.

“Ah! That you must learn. I’ll teach you. Actually, even I felt like asking you for a dance last evening. But then I thought that you would be ashamed to dance with an old-chick like me” she said with a chuckle.

“I managed to bring Uncle Bill’s foot-fetish into the discussion with your mom, and explained how I had to counsel him and make him a somewhat normal guy. I told your mother that I suspect that you also might be having a somewhat similar - but not so complex - problem and that it may be the reason you tend to be shy around girls. I convinced her that it was not a good idea for us to force you into a relationship with a girl until we get it cleared. I cautioned her that forcing something like that on you right now could distract you from your studied. I promised her that I’ll keep check on your grades and not let them drop. I also assured her that things are so far so good. Madhu agreed that it was the right thing to do” Aunt Hillary was happy of her achievement in convincing mom.

“I also told her the story you came up with; that you had found some of Bill’s sex-education books and are reading them now and that you are consulting me sometimes about the queries that you come across. I asked her whether it was okay for me to be your counselor on such matters and she said it was fine as long as we both are comfortable with it. Your mom seemed very happy that I have got you involved in the FKC work?”  Aunt Hillary looked at me with a question mark on her face as if to know whether I was aware of it.

“Joining the society Aunty, I was able to get updated with many current issues of the country; especially issues concerning the environment destruction and social welfare. Once while having dinner at home dad brought up some topic; which I don’t recall right now. Anyway, I expressed some views on that topic that even dad was surprised. He said he had never thought of it that way. Later I heard him telling mom in the hall-way that; ‘your friend Hillary seems to be causing a very positive influence over our boy. Now he seems very mature in his thinking’.  I couldn’t hear what mom’s response to it was though” I explained.

Aunt Hillary held her chin up and posed a very proud facial expression, while gesturing a ‘collars-up’. 

“And finally I asked her what she felt of me getting my feet rubbed by you. Madhu said she had no objection but that your father once had said it was an ‘absurd’ thing for you to have done even if my hand was bruised. I told her that you were very shy the very first day you gave me a foot-rub but later gained self-confidence in it. I told her that you have been reading a lot on foot-therapy lately too. Then I told her that even my son Harry was absolutely shy and backward in associating with women at one time and that I used getting to rub my feet by him as a therapy to get rid of his shyness. I told her that it worked for my son Harry and was wondering whether it would be okay if I try the same with you. Madhu said she trusts me and that she believes that I’ll know what’s best for you. She also cautioned that whatever done it would be wise to not let Karl know about it” she gave me a serious looking smile.

“Was it true? About Harry’s shyness” I asked.

“Not really. I just made it up” she smiled with a wink.

“Oh! Thanks Aunty, You are an angel” I said.

“Why?” she asked back.

“For talking it out with mom and getting her permission for me to continue rubbing your feet” I said with joy.

“Well? She wanted me ‘to make a man out of her little boy’. She wanted me to be your councilor. To teach you things; theoretically and not necessarily in practice! Anyway, I’ll allow you to rub my feet alright. But it needs to be strictly professional. I don’t mind you masturbations after you return to your room. But while rubbing my feet you must remain well disciplined. Any variation in the routine course of action should have prior approval of mine. I may also allow a day or two every month for you to get some additional education and experience. But that is only if I’m satisfied with your performances. You have to study harder in order to get better grades. If you score more than 90% at your next submission, I may even become that ‘prostitute’ you are looking for; lending you my body to be molded into any shape you want it to be,  like a piece of clay. But all that needs to be based on a strict set of rules. Rules that are made by me” she said wagging her index finger.